If only Robbo had thought of that before buying THAT sofa
.
Oh yeah I can see it now:-
Scene: Ikea, Lakeside
Date: Not long before Xmas
Me: "Excuse me miss, me and my wife quite like the look of that leather suite over there, is there any chance we can order it"?
Assistant: "Yes of course sir, we can deliver it just after Xmas, is that ok"?
Me: "Ok Cheers love, I'll have it" [takes out debit card] ...
Assistant: "I must just add one thing sir, but before I do tell you, can I just say what a gorgeous looking gentleman you are" ...
Me: "Of course you may"....
Assistant:"Right Sir, we just need to make sure there will be no problem in delivering your new suite and so I need to make sure you are sure it will get into the rooms where you are going to have it, have you measured the sofa sir"?
Me:"Actually no Miss, but I have bought along my measuring device just in case .....Cook$ would you mind mate?"
<<Cook$ undoes his fly and unveils his ruler >>>>>
Assistant blushes !
I turn away in embarrassment
Mrs Robinson: [whispers in my ear] "Pete, that looks exactly like yours.....only a lot smaller"
Cook$:"what did your missus say just then Pete"?
Me: "Nothing mate, nothing at all, she was just telling me how much she really appreciates me, small talk really mate, just small talk"
Cook$: "Oh Ok, I thought she said something about me then"
Me: Nah mate, no way, she knows you well mate ...and trust me Cook$, you ain't that interesting"
Assistant: "Excuse me sir, can we get this sofa measured so we can all get home before Xmas"?
Me: "Yeah, sorry about that love, Oi Cooks, I spose we better start measuring the longest part of the sofa first which looks a bit like that back side bit"
Cook$: "Ooooh Pete, did you just say 'backside' ...please, please let me
measure it now"
Me: "Calm down nancy boy, you're here to measure it not pleasure it, now Cook$, the back of that sofa looks about 6 foot long but we need the exact measurement, can you take your measuring stick and start there please mate"
Cook$: "Jeeeeeez Pete, I'll get on it now .......hmmmmm.......groan, ouch, hmmmmmm ... [more groaning] ...Ok Pete, it's 6ft 3 inches mate exactly".
Me: "Cheers Cook$, appreciated mate, just one thing mate, for someone boasting about the magnitude of your member, why did you have to take 25 measurements and then add them together to get the final length"?
