bad Irish jokes...
Gotta love the Irish
An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about their
sons.
"My son was born on St George's Day," commented the Englishman.
"So we obviously decided to call him George."
"That's a real coincidence," remarked the Scot. "My son was born on St
Andrew's Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew."
"That's incredible, what a coincidence," said the Irishman. "Exactly the
same thing happened with my son Pancake."
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The Daughters
There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their teenage
daughters.
The Englishman says " I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I
found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know
she
smokes".
The Scotsman says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the
other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really
shocked as I didn't even know she drank."
With that the Irishman says " Both of you have got nothing to worry about.
I
was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found packet of
condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she hada willy."
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Coma
A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin gets in a car accident and falls into
deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she
is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! A boy and a girl. Your brother
from Cork came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh No, not my brother... he's an idiot!"
She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise."
"Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it!
What's the boy's name?" "Denephew."
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The plane crash
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred today when a small 2-seater Cessna
plane crashed into a cemetery this afternoon in central Ireland.
Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect
that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
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The old man
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I
couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret
for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also do a gramme of
charlie a day, a spliff every night, a case of whiskey a week, eat junk
food, and never exercise, and do pills on the weekend."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?'
"Twenty-six."
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Old man on his death bed summons all three of his sons to his bedside. When
they arrive, he looks at them all over and says "I bet you are all looking
forward to the inheritance when I die".
He looks at his eldest son and says "YOU, YOU WERE NEVER GOOD AS A SON. ALL
YOU WERE EVER INTERESTED WAS IN GARDENING AND EVEN
MARRIED A GIRL CALLED ROSE, NOW GET OUT OF HERE"
He looks at his middle son and says "YOU, YOU WERE NEVER GOOD AS A SON
EITHER. ALL YOU WERE EVER INTERESTED WAS IN MONEY AND EVEN
MARRIED A GIRL CALLED PENNY, NOW GET HELL OUT OF HERE"
His youngest son looks at his wife and says "Lets get out of here Fanny, we
not going to stand here and get insulted like that".
Mador
