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Worst Xmas Gifts

Missy-Q

300lb of Chocolate Love
Jul 31, 2007
2,524
1,132
198
Harlem, NY
Just got around to putting away some Xmas gifts and realised how crap some of them are.

Here's a real list of my crappiest gifts, feel free to add your own...


1. A lightstick. (because a torch is useful, so a one-time-use stick might be even more useful...)

2. A (very) large nativity ornament set with Joseph, Mary and little-baby-jesus in a crib. Big enough to go outside and been seen clearly from way across the street. I am not, in any way, religious. This thing actually looks expensive, which is kinda worse. Gotta love fundamentalist-Christian in-laws...

3. A book called 'American Gods', which is an awesome book, which I already own and have owned for years.

4. 3 different types of Bird-Feeder. My Mom is into bird-watching as her new hobby, and I guess that means that I must be really interested in it too. It only cost $30 to buy all the seed to fill them up, and I get to clear bits of seed offa my car every morning.

5. A special cloth to wipe the inside of your car windscreen to prevent it from fogging up - because its 1977.

6 Some hand warmers gel-packs that you put in the microwave. 3rd year in a row for these. The last 2 sets are still in their packaging. I have enough for a modified bean-bag-toss game now.

7. A Water filtration machine (also from my US in-laws) that will effectively filter out hazardous radioactive materials. I'm not sure if I would live long enough in a nuclear holocaust to make a nice cuppa, but if I do, I could possibly be extremely glad of the extra 3 seconds of life this gift will provide to me. Perhaps it would help the mad-max 'postman' type character that finds it in the ruins of my home in 150 years time? I'll prolly keep it around just in case. I can keep it with the 90 days of dried emergency food they got me for Xmas last year. I swear though, if there's no apocolypse in the next 5 years, I'm totally giving all this shxt back to them...


On the plus side, I did get an ice tray that makes ice in the shape of 7.62 calibre bullets, which is awesome.
 

Cook$

Just the tip....
Jul 7, 2001
5,749
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Championsville
I got a cream pleather manbag with a Union Jack on the flap. I am not the kind of guy who would use a cream pleather manbag with a Union Jack on the flap.

I also got a cycling multitool that looks like it was out of a bargain bin at a carwash. Now that's fine, and I'm don't care that it was probably 99p, it's more the fact that they never once thought 'Paul's into his cycling, let's get him something that as a keen cyclist I would wager my f**king house on him already owning, possibly more than one of. But let's get a really s****y one that will break instantly. In fact, let's get one so s****y that he'll think 'Man, this is so s****y that I wouldn't risk being stuck out on the road and having to rely on this thing. This is going to get tossed in the shed to rust.' Yep, that'll do. He'll like that.'
 
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Missy-Q

300lb of Chocolate Love
Jul 31, 2007
2,524
1,132
198
Harlem, NY
That multitool sounds way more awesome than my XXL nativity set.

The bag sounds really, really gay tho...
 

Missy-Q

300lb of Chocolate Love
Jul 31, 2007
2,524
1,132
198
Harlem, NY
Just how big is your nativity set? Is it like, dress as a shepherd and blend in big?
it's like 1/3 ratio.
If I actually put it outside, (and bearing in mind I have 2 dogs), It would look like a couple of piss-stained midgets in dressing gowns had a kid and keep it in a box on my front lawn..
 

Tony Harrison

What is your beef with the Mac?
Mar 13, 2007
6,516
1,874
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Unwanted Christmas gifts? Simply give them to all the friends and relations you hate this Christmas.

They are the gifts that just keep on giving.
 
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Cook$

Just the tip....
Jul 7, 2001
5,749
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Championsville
it's like 1/3 ratio.
If I actually put it outside, (and bearing in mind I have 2 dogs), It would look like a couple of piss-stained midgets in dressing gowns had a kid and keep it in a box on my front lawn..
I'm not tall.... maybe we could organise something for next year.......

By the sounds of it, my 2nd worst Xmas.
 

mrb2287

Platinum Member
May 1, 2010
1,007
226
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Darlington
Is it just me that gets those bl**dy magic fish as a joke?
Every damn year!
I cannot think of a single person that would be in the slightest bit pleased to receive one!
 

Dusty

Don't run, you'll only die tired....
May 19, 2004
7,606
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Northern Ireland
Not this year thankfully, but one year i did receive a plastic dressed up **** on a plinth. it was called the predaturd.

I have no idea why it was bought for me, except the guy who bought it thought it was hilarious.
 
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mrb2287

Platinum Member
May 1, 2010
1,007
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Darlington
I had to google that..... i can see why you weren't impressed
having said that the mexican one (a***bandit) made me chuckle